


Pebbles

by Kneekeyta



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 20:41:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5019706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kneekeyta/pseuds/Kneekeyta





	Pebbles

Rae grumbled as she tossed and turned in her bed, she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep all month, moving had been a real hassle, boxes were lost, things got broken, but her records and cd’s were still intact and that’s really all she cared about, and having to start a new school when there was only one month left in the semester didn’t help her sleep patterns either, as she was bombarded with makeup assignments, but at least now it was summer break and she could rest, well if it wasn’t for that incessant pinging noise. She opened her eyes scrunching her face wondering what that noise was she was hearing, she waited a moment and it happened again. She sat up turning on her bed side light. She heard it again then looked at her window and she saw something ricochet off of it, she got out of bed standing in front of her window jumping back some when another pebble hit it, she stepped forward opening her window, she leaned out looking down and she could see Finn Nelson, most popular and fittest guy in college trying to stay up right.

 

“Finn, what are you doing?” she whisper shouted down to him, wondering why the hell was he outside of her house in the middle of the night.

“Staaaa..hiccup” he laughed stumbling around

“What?” she asked

“Staafeee” he shouted a little too loud.

“You have the wrong house” she said back.

“Yoooou sure?” he asked as he started to stumble forward.

“Pretty sure” she said sternly

“Fuck” she heard him say, he swayed for a moment running his hand through his hair then took of walking.

“Idiot” Rae grumbled as she shut her window, she laid back down and turned off her light, she rolled back over and after a good 20 minutes she was finally comfortable again, sleep was nearly about to take her when she heard that insistent sound again.

“The fuck” she sat up turning her light on throwing her duvet off of her she stood up pushing her window open, pissed off now.

“Staaaaceey” Finn sang, a mix between happy and sad.

“Finn, wrong house!” Rae she spat.

“Still?” he said, she could see him screw up his face.

“Yes!” she softly shouted at him

She could hear him grumble something incoherent, then he sat down on the ground.

“Finn, what are you doing?” she asked down to him

“Ssshhh” he said trying to hold his finger to his lip to shush her, then laid back on the drive.

“For fucks sake” she said, she shut her window turning around putting on her dressing gown and cursed all the way down stairs and out the front door.

When she got outside Finn was still laid back clearly asleep, “Finn” she said pushing his leg with her foot, and he just grumbled and wiped his face.

“Finn” she said a little more urgently, pushing his leg a little harder

“Mm no, tired” he grumbled.

Rae sighed in annoyance and got down on her knees next to him, she patted the side of his cheek “Finn…Finn, come on wake up” she said softly.

He started to swat her hand away from him “Finn, come on sit up” she said as she tried to help him to sitting position, he fought her some but she managed to get him sitting, “Finn, you need to go home” she said holding him by the shoulder.

He opened his eyes wide looking at her “I don’t know where home is” he said, he almost looked like he wanted to cry, Rae couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle.

“Do you know where I live?” He asked, his face full of concern

“No, I don’t” she said softly.

“Do you know where Stafee lives” he asked

“Who?” she asked, wondering why she even bothered.

“Stafee” he slurred

“Okay, time to stand up come on” she said helping him to his feet.

She stood him up and balanced most of his weight on her and she helped him toward the house, she was glad that her mum fled the country with her illegal immigrant boyfriend because how could she explain this to her.

“What’s your name?” he asked as leaned into her.

“Rae”

“Like Raymond” he chuckled

“Rachel” she said, as they passed through the front door.

She got him into the lounge and was trying to sit him down but he swung his arm around her burying his head in her neck.

“Finn, you need to sit now” she said softly

“Your hair smells nice” he sighed happily

“Okay, but you need to lay down now”

“Like vanilla” he sighed.

She helped him to sit, it was difficult because his arms were around her neck, but she finally got his arms from around her and helped him lay down, she helped him to turn on his side because the last thing she needs is the fittest boy in Lincolnshire dying on her sofa.

She pulled a blanket over him and he started fighting it, he didn’t want it, and he was whining like a toddler and pushed it down to his ankles; Rae sighed and waited a moment until he fell asleep or passed out, which ever, then brought the blanket up to his shoulders.

She trudged up the stairs to her room and sat on her bed, she set her alarm for 8 a.m. then turned off her light and laid back. She tossed and turned most of the night unable to find a comfortable position, she kept thinking about Finn wondering what state she would find him in in the morning; she was awake before her alarm went off and waited for it to beep then hit the off button.

She got out of bed and changed from her pajamas to her Oasis shirt and a pair of black leggings. When she got downstairs and walked into the lounge she saw Finn still passed out, in a position that will most likely hurt his neck when he wakes up.

She went into the kitchen and put on some tea and made some toast. She came back out tea and toast in either hand, and sat on the coffee table setting the tea and toast down beside her.

“Finn” she leans in close whispering to him

“Finn” she shakes his shoulder and he grumbles some but settles back.

“Finn..Finn” she says shaking his shoulder

He groans irritated at her gesture swatting at her.

“Alright dickhead time to get up” she says a lot firmer.

“Ugh to loud” he says pulling the blanket over his head

She yanks the blanket down and his eyes open and he’s ready to protest, but his eyes widen and he sits up suddenly and looks around “where am I?” “OW” he says rubbing his neck

“Well, good morning to you too” Rae says with a little smirk

“How did I get here?” he asked looking confused 

“Well, I know how you got in my house..but I don’t know how you got to my house” she said then let out a tired breath.

“What?” he asked confused

“You woke me up throwing pebbles at my window looking for someone, I told you had the wrong house and you argued with me a bit, but you left… but then came back tossing pebbles at my window again and I told you that you still had the wrong house, and I guess you just gave up because you laid down on my driveway and I couldn’t just leave you there so..here you are” she shrugged

“Oh..sorry” he said his cheeks red in embarrassment. 

“It’s alright just don’t make it a habit, yeah” she smirked at him.

“There’s some peppermint tea and toast for your hangover” she nodded to the side of her.

She pushed off the table and made her way in to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. She had just sat to drink her cup of tea when the kitchen door opened and Finn walked in holding his empty plate and tea cup.

“Erm..thanks for everything..” he raised his eyebrows in question looking for her name.

“Rae..” she smiled at him

“Thanks Rae” he smiled shyly at her.

“We go to school together, right?” he asked

“Yeah” she nodded

“Yeah, I’ve seen you around”

Rae just nodded.

“Um..I guess I better..” he pointed behind him

“Okay” Rae said, not really sure how this goodbye would work.

“Um thanks again..that was real decent of you” he said setting his cup and plate down on the counter.

“Sure…”

Finn gave her an awkward wave and turned to leave out of the kitchen, Rae followed him to the door.

“You know how to get home because last night you didn’t” she chuckled.

He laughed “Yeah, I know how to get home”

“Good, because you would have been on your own this time” she teased.

Finn playfully scoffed “you would have let me wander the streets lost”

“Well, yeah, I don’t know where you live” she scrunched up her face at him.

He grinned toothily at her, they held each other’s gaze for a moment, Finn cleared his throat “I’m gonna head out”

Rae smile opening the door for him, Finn stepped out then turned back to Rae “thanks again”

“No problem” she smiled at him

He smiled and turned walking down the drive he got less than half way when she shouted after him “I hope you find who you’re looking for” he turned and smiled at her, she gave him a small wave then shut her door.

–

Rae went back up to her room and finished sorting through her boxes of music putting it in its proper place. The phone rang and she had expected it to be her mum but to her surprise it was her friend Izzy, she had met Izzy on her first day of school, Izzy showed her where everything was, and they just sort of became friends, Izzy was the happiest person Rae had ever met, she thought she probably never had a bad thought about anyone. Izzy asked Rae if she would like to come over for a girls day with her and her friend Chloe. Rae knew of Chloe, but they didn’t really talk that much, Izzy told Rae that Chloe had been trying to be in the popular girl group at school, but Stacey who was the leader was always giving her a hard time, so she kind of just gave up on it. Rae knew about Stacey, Stacey would sometimes make snide comments about her now and again.

Rae agreed to meet Izzy at her house for a girls day, whatever that was, Rae sighed as she thought about what to wear, she wasn’t particularly girly, never wore makeup and her wardrobe mainly consisted of band shirts and jeans and of course her leather jacket. She opted for a burgundy skirt with her black leggings and kept on her black Oasis shirt. She went down stairs sliding on her solid black high tops and grabbed her leather jacket swung her bag over her shoulder and walked to Izzy’s house.

When she got to Izzy’s she was greeted with Izzy’s vibrant smile and a hug “Hiya, Rae..come on in Chloe is just in my room” Izzy pulled Rae by the arm leading her upstairs.

When Rae entered her room it was just how she had imagined it to be, pink, frilly and very bright. Chloe was sitting on the bed crossed legged flipping through a magazine when she looked up “hiya babes” Chloe flashed her pearly whites at Rae.

“Hi, Chloe” Rae smiled as she went to sit on the settee and the end of the bed.

“So what are we doing today?” Rae asked

“Oh, it’s going to be great..” Chloe said as she put the magazine down and scooted down the bed closer to Rae.

Rae chuckled “alright..” she said hesitantly.

“We are going to do our makeup and hair..then go and meet Izzy’s boyfriend and his mates at the pub later” Chloe smiled her eyes shining brightly.

“Yeah, I told Chop it was supposed to be a girl’s day but he said to just ‘bring the lasses along’” Izzy said trying to mock Chop.

Rae chuckled at Izzy’s attempt, she had only ever met Chop once in passing but felt like she knew him because Izzy talked about him so much, he didn’t go to school he worked in a garage around town.

“Do you know his mates?” Rae asked, wondering if this was the first time they would all be meeting them.

“Yeah, so do you, well you know of them” Izzy said

Rae furrowed her brows waiting for Izzy to elaborate.

“Archie, you know Archie, popular, plays the guitar..and Finn, I’m sure you know Finn” Izzy said.

Rae’s breath caught in her throat for a moment and she covered it up pretending to cough “Yeah, yeah I’ve seen em’ around school” she smiled nervously.

“Oh, Finn is so fit and he and Stacey just broke up, so he’s single” Chloe squealed.

Rae smiled and nodded wondering if she should tell them how only this morning Finn left her house, then she thought about how she flirted a little, she groaned inwardly feeling like a twat while trying to listen to Izzy and Chloe talk.

“I dunno Chlo, I think he wants to get back with her” Izzy said.

“Why?” Chloe asked in disbelief.

“Well, Chop said she broke up with him, wanting to be single for the summer” Izzy shrugged.

“I guess he was real tore up about it”

Rae thought ‘oh so it was Stacey he was looking for’ absentmindedly nodding as she put the pieces together.

“Rae, you know Stacey right, she’s a bitch why would he want to get back with her?” Chloe said looking at Rae for an answer.

“Yeah, I dunno..” she said, she wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Well, maybe I will convince him there is a better option” Chloe wiggled her eyebrows smiling cheekily.

“Right, let’s get started” Izzy clapped her hands happily.

The afternoon was full of mousse, hairspray, and curling irons. Rae just sat and watched Chloe and Izzy do their hair and makeup not really sure what was happening, when they were done the girls really took their time helping Rae, who had told them she had no idea what was what, Izzy curled the bottom of Rae’s hair while Chloe showed Rae how to curl her eyelashes and applied some mascara and a bit of gray eye shadow, Chloe wanted to put lipstick on Rae but Rae protested so Chloe settled for a tinted lip  
gloss.

“Well, does it look okay?” Rae asked nervously when the girls were through.

“You look beautiful babes” Chloe sighed happily.

“You look even more beautiful than before if that’s possible” Izzy squealed.

Rae turned around taking a deep breath and looked at herself in the mirror, she couldn’t believe what she was looking at, for once she didn’t want to turn away in disgust, she actually liked the way she looked, as she looked in the mirror running her hands through her hair a tear escaped down her cheek.

“Oh, don’t cry, do you not like it” Izzy said wrapping one arm around Rae as Chloe did the same on the other side.

“No, I love it, I just never had any real friends, friends who would do this for me before” Rae said softly trying not to cry.

“Awwww” Chloe and Izzy said as they hugged Rae tightly.

“Well, you have two best friends now, right Chlo”

“Right” Chloe smiled kissing Rae on the cheek.

“Thanks guys” Rae said softly.

“No more being sappy, let’s go to the pub and who knows Rae maybe you and Archie will hit it off” Chloe winked at Rae.

–

When the girls entered the pub Chop waved them over, she could see Finn was sitting with his back to them while he leaned over the table some talking to Archie, Chloe and Izzy walked over telling Rae to come on “I’ll be right there, I’m just going to put on some music” she smiled, they told her alright and went to sit down.

Rae walked over to the jukebox and took a deep breath, she didn’t want to sit next to Finn in case it would be awkward so she thought best to just let Izzy and Chloe sit first and she could go from there. She slipped in her 20p and pushed the buttons and Sabotage began to play.

When she turned around she saw that the only seat open was next to Finn, Chloe had sat opposite him and was leaning over the table so her cleavage was on full display, Rae chuckled to herself as she walked over to the table and sat next to Finn.

“Hey, nice one” Archie said from across the table.

“Yeah, its not bad for main stream” Rae smiled at him.

“I’m Archie” he gave her a little wave

“Rae” she smiled back

“As in Raymond” Finn spoke up from beside her

She looked at him and he had small smile on his face and gave her a little wink, Rae laughed knowing he must have remembered calling her that.

“As in Rachel” she playfully rolled her eyes at him.

Chop and Izzy had been making out while the exchange took place and when they broke apart Chop said “Finn, finish telling us what happened to you last night”

Everyone’s eyes were on Finns and he looked at Rae out of the corner of his eye and swallowed thickly.

“You left the party really early and I called you but your dad said you weren’t home so where were you” Chop said

“I um..was just out walking around” Finn shrugged then took a sip of his pint.

“You weren’t home this morning either” Chop pressed.

“I uh..uh was” Finn was stuttering and fumbling with his hands.

“Oh, you know that reminds me, I’ve got an empty and was thinking about having a party” Rae spoke up from beside Finn, she wasn’t sure why but felt the need to help him, he couldn’t make up a decent lie to save his life, and he was obviously embarrassed to say that he had been at her house, even if was completely innocent.

“Oh yeah” Chop said.

Rae nodded with a smile, there were cheers around the table and talk of the party and all talk of Finn had been forgotten. Rae could feel Finn staring at her but just smiled and listened as Chop talked about making it a sexy party for the next few hours.

She had managed to talk to Archie a bit when he moved around the table to sit next to her, they had discussed some music and Rae had unfortunately learned he was a huge history buff and was halfheartedly listening to him while noticing Chloe trying to get Finn’s attention, Rae felt bad for Chloe because it was obvious Finn wanted none of it, Rae thought maybe Stacey was really good deep down and that’s why he was still hung up on her.

When the night ended Chop left her with a kiss on the cheek and a new nickname, “Raemundo, I’ll see you tomorrow” he said happily and him and Izzy sauntered off.

Archie hugged Rae goodbye, she gave Finn a small smile and a wave to which he just gave her a little smile and nod, while Chloe hugged Archie bye, then she went in to hug Finn who clearly wasn’t expecting it and Rae couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle which Finn caught and rolled his eyes.

Rae and Chloe parted ways at the end of the street, Rae walked home wondering how the hell she was going to pull off a party, she guessed she would have to leave it to Chop, from what she heard he seemed to know what he was talking about.

When Rae got home, she found she was quiet hungry, as she had only snacked a little at Izzy’s house, she went into the kitchen and found a frozen pizza, she popped it in the oven and went up to her room to change. As she was changing, her shirt got caught on the earrings Izzy had lent her, as she was trying to untangle the mess she heard a ping on her window, she stopped mid struggle thinking she was imagining things, until she heard it again. She pulled her shirt back down and walked over to her window to see Finn.

“Finn..” she said when she opened the window.

“Are you busy, can we talk?” he asked.

“Meet me at the front door” she said down to him.

She shut her window wondering what he could want, when she opened the door to her room to head down stairs she realized she was just in her panties which would have been embarrassing, she pulled on her leggings and made her way quickly downstairs and opened the door.

“Hey..” she said, with a small smile.

“Hi, um.. I came about earlier” he said, as rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“Okay…” Rae said, not sure what he meant by which earlier.

“I just wan-“

“Oh fuck, hold on” she said as she made a dash towards the kitchen, she had forgot about the pizza, she checked it and it seemed alright, a little burnt but not bad, she took it out of the oven and placed on a cooling rack, as she was putting the oven mitts away Finn walked in the kitchen.

“I hope you don’t mind I came in” he said hesitantly.

“No, no, its fine sorry, I forgot I had pizza in the oven” she smiled at him as she wiped off her hands.

“So what did you want to talk about” she said, raising her eyebrows at him.

“Um..” he said taking a step closer to her.

He reached out his hand taking some of her hair in it “Uh..here..” he said and handed her the earring.

“Oh..” she said taking it from him slightly blushing.

“It got tangled in my hair when I was trying to take my top off and..uh..any way you said something about earlier” she said, feeling like an idiot revealing that much information to him.

He chuckled small at her “come on let’s sit then we can eat when the pizza cools, if you want that is” she told him motioning him to sit at the small kitchen table.

“You sure I won’t be intruding?”

“Nah, no one’s here just me” she shrugged with a little smile.

“Alright then, I am hungry” he smiled at her.

“So about earlier” she said.

“Right, I wanted to say thanks again for..uh..saving me, but you didn’t have to, and sorry you got mixed up into having to have a party because of it” he said concentrating on his hands.

“Oh, no it’s alright, um, you seemed a little, I dunno embarrassed and I don’t mind about the party really” she said softly.

“Um..yeah I were pretty embarrassed about what happened, I don’t want anyone to find out” he said looking at her.

“Right, well I’m not going to tell anyone that you were here last night, don’t worry” she said, softly then stood to check the pizza.

“Wait, what, no! That’s not what I meant” he said hastily.

“What do you mean then” she asked, as she cut the pizza.

“Ugh this is so embarrassing” he sighed, rubbing his hands over her face.

Rae slid a plate with a slice of pizza on it in front of him.

“Thanks” he said softly.

“S’alright”

Rae and Finn sat in silence and he was picking at his slice, she was debating on whether or not to eat because she was hungry, she picked up her slice and was mid bite when Finn asked “Do you think I’m fit?”

She tried not to choke on the piece she had in her mouth, she chewed it quickly and swallowed hard, “come again” she said, not sure if she heard correctly.

“Nevermind” he said softly.

“Um..y-yeah” she said nervously.

“W-why do you ask?”

“My ex girlfriend..”

“Stacey” Rae blurted out accidently.

“Yeah, you know her?” Finn looked at her in surprise.

“Um..sort of..sorry continue” Rae said.

“Well, Stacey broke up with me before school ended, she’s going away to Italy for the summer with her parents and said that she wanted to be single because the boys there were so fit…fitter than the boys here..” he trailed off.

“I felt like an idiot, because we dated for two months and all she cared about was how fit I was, and she broke it off with me when the chance to meet fitter boys, I thought she care about more than looks, but when I thought more and more about it I realized that she didn’t even know that much about me..and so last night at the party it hit me how stupid I was and wanted to tell her off but I grabbed a bottle of vodka on the way out and I guess I thought she still might be home and went looking for her…” Finn looked away embarrassed.

“Oh…” Rae said, but she had thought Izzy told her he wanted to get back together with her.

“but what’s really stupid is that a part of me wishes I was fitter so she would want to be with me, even though all she cares about is looks, when that shouldn’t even really matter in a relationship..” he sighed..

Rae wasn’t sure what to say, that was probably the first and last time she will ever hear anyone basically say that it’s not all about looks and it came directly out the mouth of a greek god.

“Uh..well, I’m sure if you just talk to her you guys can work things out” Rae said sympathetically.

Fin jerked his head to Rae and laughed “Uh, no way would I ever take her back” he said positively.

Rae couldn’t help but laugh with him, “Right..”

“I think it’s time to be single for a while” he said, then took a bite of his pizza.

“Well, good for you” Rae said, but not so good for Chloe. 

Finn just laughed and tucked into his slice. They chatted a bit back and forth while they ate about the party that was happening the next night, Finn assuring her that he’ll talk to Chop if anything gets out of hand.

“So uh, thanks again for everything, Rae” he smiled nervously.

“It’s alright” she said softly.

“So, uh have a goodnight” he said as went to open the door.

“Yeah, I’ll try but still have some unpacking..” she playfully rolled her eyes “..you have a goodnight too” she smiled at him.

“Oh, that’s right you just moved here”

“Yeah, it’s been a month and can you believe I left my music to unpack last but..I need to organize it perfectly” she smiled and shrugged.

“Oh yeah, forgot you have okay music taste” he smirked at her.

“Excuse you, but my music knowledge is quite superior” she said in a posh accent.

“Right, well prove it” he smiled smugly at her.

“What?”

“Show me your music collection and we will see” he smirked at her.

“Umm…are you sure you don’t have to be somewhere?”

“Nah, I got nothing” he smiled at her waving his hand.

“Alright, well come on up” she smiled motioning for him to follow her.

Rae opened the door to her room and felt a bit nervous having a boy in there, she had never really spent any time around boys, only when they were making of her, well there was Danny two hats, he was nice but that’s a different story.

Rae pulled her oversized bean bag to the middle of the room sitting on it motioning for Finn to sit with her, she knew he wouldn’t think anything of it and she didn’t think anything of it, he was way out of her league would never think twice about her in THAT way. Finn sat next to Rae as they went through the boxes of her music, she had told him she already unpacked some, the necessities like Oasis, Blur, and The Smiths.

They chatted back and forth about music for a while, and then Finn asked her wear she moved from.

“Uh..from Leeds” she said as she was folding up the last empty box.

“Why did you move, if you don’t mind me asking”

“Um..mum just wanted a change of scenery” Rae shrugged, could she tell him the real reason had been because she had hurt herself and spent four months in a mental home and her mum willingly moved to give her a chance at a fresh start, probably not.

Finn nodded “do you miss any of your friends?”

“Uh..yeah, well I really only had two friends” she sighed.

“What do you mean?” he furrowed his brows.

Rae sighed a slid down on the beanbag and Finn followed suit, “um..just that I only ever had two friends.”

“I don’t understand, how is that possible” he said looking at her, Rae was staring at the ceiling trying to fight back her tears.

Rae wondered if she should just tell him, she hadn’t known him that long and thought maybe if she told him and he was put off by it it wouldn’t hurt as much as it would if they became good friends, which she could see happening, only for her to tell him and then him want nothing to do with her.

“Finn, if I tell you something do you promise not to tell anyone” she said softly as a tear escaped down her cheek, she knew he would never tell a soul, she only hung around him a bit and he didn’t really seem like that much of a talker, well he at least around the others.

“Yeah, Rae I promise” he said sincerely.

Rae took a deep breath “We moved…because of me, because I was the one who needed a change of scenery, um last spring..I was admitted to a mental home because I kept trying to hurt myself and one night I went too far…” she said through her flowing tears, she felt Finns hand come down on top of hers.

“Rae..” Finn said softly.

“It’s alright Finn, I understand if you want to leave an—“

“No, I’m not leaving, Rae..I just…I’m not sure what to say, I never expected for you to say that..I guess just..why..why would you do that?” he said his voice cracking as he tried not to cry.

“It was a lot of things, like I said I had no friends, the only two I ever really had I met in the mental home, I was constantly bullied at school; part of it was my dad leaving when I was little, it just all built up and I couldn’t handle the voice in my head, my voice telling me that I was worthless..” she softly cried wiping her face with her free hand.

“I’m sorry Rae, I’m not sure what else to say, I wish that that never happened to you, I’m glad you felt you could tell me” he said as he choked back his tears.

Rae turned to look at Finns tear stained face and gave him a small smile “me too, it’s nice that somebody knows, that I don’t have to carry around a backpack of bullshit” she laughed humorlessly.

Finn gave her a weak smile then pulled her into a hug which she was not expecting, she sighed and relaxed into, then he pulled away but found her hand again.

They both lay in silence staring up at the ceiling for a few moments, “My mum left me and my dad when I was 10, she never said why, I just came home one day and she was gone, and I’ve never heard from her since” Finn spoke softly.

Rae turned her head to look him and saw the tears running down the side of his face. “Do you miss her” she asked, then wishing she hadn’t.

“Yeah” he barley said.

“I’m sorry Finn, when my dad left I wasn’t old enough to remember him, but I imagine you feel the same, wondering how a parent could just abandon their kid.” Rae spoke softly.

“Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel, I still wonder what I did wrong, maybe that was my problem with Stacey, after she said what she said I felt unwanted again..” Finn said, realizing why he acted the way he did with Stacey.

“I just needed to kno-

“Why you weren’t good enough” Rae finished the sentence for him.

“Sorry, didn’t mean t-“

“No, you’re right, I need to know why I’m not good enough” he sighed.

A few moments passed “I’m glad I met you Rae, I feel like I can really talk to you, and I normally I don’t like talking to anyone” he spoke softly to her.

“Me too, Finn” she smiled and squeezed his hand.

They laid in silence for a few moments processing what they had shared, then Finn spoke up.

“So about your superior music knowledge” Finn said with a little smirk.

“It’s good, but not as good as mine” he teased

Rae scoffed playfully, she sat up releasing his hand, “prepare to be proven wrong” she smirked at him, she got up and walked to her stereo and Finn followed, she opened up a box that was filled with mix tapes “There’s more” Finn said in surprise.

“This ain’t even all of them” she smiled and pulled another box out from under her desk opening the lid revealing more mix tapes.

“Jesus Rae, this is bigger than my collection of mixes” he said as he pulled one out scanning the track list.

“Not all of them have the tracks listed” he said.

“Yeah, a lot of the time I just drew on little doodles, but now I can’t remember what’s on most of them” she chuckled.

“Can we play one” he asked holding at tape with little stars drawn on it.

“Yeah” she took the tape from him and popped it in the stereo.

They stood silently for a moment as the tape crackled then opening chords of Losing my Religion soon played.

“R.E.M” he questioned.

“Yeah” she laughed.

“I like it” he smiled at her.

“Come on lets lay back down” he said nodding toward the beanbag.

They settled back into the position they were in before, Finns hands at his sides and Rae’s locked together on her stomach, commenting now and again on a song.

-

Rae woke up the next morning to a sleeping Finn, she sat up trying to remember when she fell asleep, the last song she remembered hearing was Creep, she looked at the clock and it was half past ten, she’s not even sure how late her and Finn were up after they had their heart felt conversation.

She smiled at him as he slept, his mouth slightly parted and again in a position where his neck would hurt when he woke up.

“Finn..” she whispered feeling déjà vu.

“Finn..Finn” she said patting him on the cheek.

“Wh-what” he said then groaned.

“Wake up dickhead” she chuckled.

“Stop calling me a dickhead, you’re the dickhead” he said as he tried to swat her with his eyes still closed.

She chuckled “come on, it’s half past ten, time to get up, besides I told you not to make a habit out of coming over here”

“You’re the one who keeps letting me in, this is your fault” he said as he stretched.

“Ow” he said then rubbed the back of his neck.

“Why do you sleep in such awkward positions” she laughed at him.

“I don’t, it only happens when I’m here, I think your house is cursed” he teased.

“Whatever” she rolled her eyes at him.

After Finn stretched and rubbed the kink out of his neck they made their way down stairs, Rae asked if he wanted some tea or toast and he declined saying he needed to get home and shower that he would see her that evening for the party. He gave her quick kiss on the cheek and thanked her for listening to him, she thanked him as well, and gave him a hug, she watched him walk down the drive until he was out of sight then shut the door heading back up to her room.

–

The girls came over early to get ready for the party, Rae had done her and makeup similar to how Izzy and Chloe had done it the day before; for her outfit she chose a black skirt to go with her black leggings and a v-cut white shirt and her red flannel to go over top. The doorbell rang and Rae went to answer it knowing it would be the boys, she left Izzy and Chloe applying the last touches of their make up.

“Hiya” Rae smiled as she opened the door to see Chop, Archie and Finn.

“Raemundooo” Chop sang with a toothy grin.

He walked in with booze in hand, Archie hugged Rae when he entered, next was Finn

“Haven’t seen you in ages” she teased.

Finn smiled giving her a tight hug when the girls came bounding down the stairs.

“Oh Finn, you look nice” Chloe said flashing him her pearly whites.

“Uh..thanks Chlo” Finn said, then looked to Rae who just shrugged.

“Alright you lot let’s get this party started” Chop said holding up a beer.

They all walked into the lounge taking a beer and toasting for the evening, Finn walked over to Rae telling her that he had brought some tunes, but didn’t want to step on her toes, she laughed and showed him to the stereo, he was showing her what he had brought when Chloe came up saying she needed to talk to Rae.

“What’s up Chloe?”

“When did you and Finn get so close?” she asked

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, well, ya hugged him and now you’re going on about music how did that happen?”

“I don’t know, he’s just a mate, can’t one mate hug another mate” Rae said, hoping that Chloe would not press the issue further.

“I guess, what do you reckon he would do if I kissed him” Chloe said wistfully.

“I’m not sure” Rae shrugged.

“I think I might try tonight” Chloe smiled.

Rae just nodded and Chloe walked away to get another beer, Rae felt bad, thinking that maybe she should tell Chloe to save herself the embarrassment of Finn turning her down, but then again maybe he won’t mind if Chloe kisses him, she’s beautiful and it might help him get over the Stacey thing.

As the party went on more people than expected had arrived, Finn asked Rae if she wanted him to get rid, but she told him it was alright. They had been hanging out by the stereo all evening until Chop came and told them to meet in Rae’s room for spin the bottle.

“No, I don’t think so I’ll stay down here” Rae told Chop, she didn’t want to risk the embarrassment of someone outright refusing to kiss her.

“Oi, come on Raemundo, there’s too many lads up there, ya have to, you too Finn, the lasses are asking about ya”

Rae looked at Finn “I’ll go if you go” he shrugged

“Come on Raemundo” Chop pleaded.

Rae let out a breath “Alright” she said then mouthed ‘sorry’ to Finn.

Luckily the first few rounds Finn and Rae had avoided kissing anyone, so they were just talking quietly to each other when they heard “RAEMUNDOOO!” Rae stared at the bottle pointing at her wondering who the hell she was going to have to kiss, she was praying for Chloe or Izzy, fuck even Chop, she prayed that it wouldn’t be “FIIINNN!” Chop bellowed.

Rae and Finn looked at each other with unreadable expressions, “Go on you two, go to the cupboard I’ll let you know when the 7 minutes are up” Chop grinned.

Rae had not been listening to Chop so she missed when he switched the game to 7 minutes in heaven. Finn got up and Rae followed. Then they stepped into the dimly lit cupboard Rae felt extremely claustrophobic, or maybe it was just being this close to Finn, she leaned back against the walls on her hands.

“So, did you hear when the game switched to 7 minutes in heaven?” Rae asked a nervous looking Finn.

“No, we were talking so I missed it” he shrugged, and leaned back against the opposite wall.

“So, having a goodnight?” Rae asked.

“Yeah, yeah, you?”

“Yeah, I’d never been to a party let alone been the host of one” she chuckled.

“They’re all the same really, people get drunk, play stupid games then pass out” Finn laughed.

“So I gathered”

“4 MINUTES LEFT!” Chop pounded on the door.

Rae and Finn jumped then started to laugh.

“He’s really into this game huh?” Rae asked.

“Yeah, it’s how he and Izzy got together, they had been dancing around each other for a long time and until they got locked in 7 minutes in heaven” Finn chuckled.

“Well, I’m glad I got locked in here with you..I mean I don’t think anyone would have wanted to kiss me, so it’s nice we can just chat” Rae sighed.

Rae could tell Finn was thinking about what she said, surely after what she had told him the previous night he could have deduced why she thought no one would want to kiss her. He was quiet for too long so she figured she had better say something to break up the silence maybe apologize for putting herself down, she was supposed to be getting better at that, but before she could say anything the door opened.

“Times up love birds” Chop grinned at them.

Rae walked out first not chancing a look back at Finn, she heard Finn talking to Chop she as walked away and ran into Chloe.

“Oh my god, Rae, you kissed Finn, what was it like?” Chloe asked excitedly, but Rae could see a hint of hurt in her eyes.

“Um, we didn’t kiss we just talked” Rae shrugged

“Why did you not bloody kiss him!”

“I dunno, I don’t think he wanted to be kissed besides…he’s more like a brother that would be weird” Rae laughed off.

“Oh hey Finn!” Chloe said suddenly, then looked at Rae wide eyed.

Rae turned around to see Finn furrowing his brows at her, she wasn’t sure he had heard what she said, but she guessed it didn’t really matter, all they would ever be was friends.

“Are you two going to finish the game?” Chloe smiled hopefully.

“Um, no, I think I’m good, I’ll just be downstairs to check on things” Rae smiled, feeling awkward standing in between Chloe and Finn.

Rae went downstairs to see that a lot of people had left already and some were strewn across the floor and sofa, she went into the kitchen as decided to clean up a little so there wouldn’t be too much to do in the morning. When she was done in the kitchen she headed back upstairs to see what was happening, and when she rounded the corner she crashed into Finn.

“Oh sorry” She chuckled.

“S’alright” he smiled and shrugged.

“Just came to see what was happening up here” she said looking around him.

“Everybody pretty much passed out” Finn shrugged.

“In my room”

“Yeah, Izzy’s on your bed, Chloe and Archie are squished on the bean bag and Chop is sprawled out on the floor, the others left” he shrugged.

“Great” Rae sighed.

“What were you doing downstairs” he asked.

“Just cleaned up a little, so there’s not too much to do tomorrow”

“You should have said, I would have helped, you didn’t have to do it alone”

“It’s alright, I just wish I would have told them to not pass out on my bed” Rae laughed.

“So where are you going to sleep?”

“I guess in my mums room, no ones in there I locked it, I just gotta grab my sleeping bag” Rae shrugged “Um..do you know where you’re going to sleep..I mean you can..” she pointed to her mums room “uh if you want, she had a pretty big bed”

“Yeah, thanks, um I’m just going to grab my sleeping bag, meet you in there”

“Yeah, alright” Rae smiled as Finn ran downstairs.

–

When Finn came back up the stairs he walked quietly into her mums room, but Rae wasn’t in there, he had laid his sleeping bag out on the bed wondering if it mattered what side he picked, he turned and sat on the bed taking off his boots and when he looked up could see Rae in the en suite, the door was open a crack and he saw her with no shirt on only in her bra, he swallowed thickly and tried to look away, but he couldn’t she was beautiful, he had thought she was before, when he had first woken up to her, then when he saw her with her hair all tussled and earing caught in it, just how effortlessly beautiful she is was refreshing. He saw her slip on an oversized shirt, he suddenly became very nervous he bent down to take his other boot off when she came out of the bathroom, he looked up and did his best surprised face.

“Oh didn’t know you were in there” he said as he jumped a little.

She chuckled “yeah was just putting on a pajama top”

Finn smiled and nodded “Um..do you mind which side of the bed”

“Oh no, you’re fine where you’re at, maybe you won’t get a sore neck” she scrunched up her face at him as she laid out her sleeping bag.

“Well, if I do it will only confirm that your house really is cursed” he said as he laid back.

Rae got in bed and settled into her sleeping bag, they lay silent for a moment “isn’t it weird that I’ve known you for two days and you’ve spent the night at my house three nights in a row” she chuckled and turned to face him.

“I dunno, I didn’t really think about it”

“I guess it would be weird if I didn’t like talking to you or hanging out with you” he turned to look at her.

“Oh, so you like talking to me” she teased.

Finn rolled his eyes at her, “You’re alright I s’pose” he grinned at her.

Rae chuckled “I like talking to you too, Finn” she smiled sincerely at him.

He smiled a tightly at her then turned his attention back to the ceiling, a few moments passed and he was thinking how best to word his question.

“Rae..”

“Yeah..”

“What you said, about nobody wanting to kiss you, do you really think that?” he asked then turned to look at her. She blinked rapidly a few times then turned her attention to the ceiling.

“Finn, I’m sure you can guess why I would think that, and its true so..” she trailed off.

“I know why would think that back then, I just wondered why you still think that, because it’s not true”

“Finn, what I’ve been through runs deep in me, I will always feel some self-hatred and wonder why anyone would want to be around me friendly or otherwise, I mean, why do you like talking to me?” she turned to look at Finn her eyes watery.

Finn was a bit taken a back at her question, why wouldn’t he like hanging around her, he hadn’t even known her that long and had come to realize she is probably one of the kindest, wittiest, and most beautiful person ever.

“Like I told you yesterday, I just feel like.. like you get me, you understand me and you and you listen when I talk even though I’ve never been good with words, I dunno I just like you” he sighed.

He was studying the ceiling, thinking if he should have told her more reasons, because he had plenty, he had turned his head to tell her and all of a sudden her lips were on his.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment feeling her soft lips on his felt like a dream that he woke up from all too soon, he opened his eyes and she was looking at him in shock.

“Oh, fuck, sorry, Finn, I’m so sorry, I was going to kiss you on the cheek and then you turned your head..I didn’t mean..fuck I’m sorry” she stuttered trying not to cry.

“Rae, Rae, it’s okay calm down, geeze, was kissing me that bad” he laughed trying to lighten the mood.

Rae clamped her hands over her face trying not to laugh “Shut up, I’m so embarrassed, I was going to kiss you on the cheek and tell you that like I said yesterday I really feel same way, that I’m glad I have a friend to talk to, then I basically attacked you” she snorted a laugh.

“I wouldn’t say you attacked me” he laughed, then tried to take her hands away from her face.

“Hey, it’s alright, we’re friends, friends can share a friendly kiss, no need to be embarrassed” he smiled softly at her.

“Alright, but I am sorry” she said her faced tinged with embarrassment.

“Nothing to be sorry for” he smiled at her.

“I’m sure you had better kisses than that earlier anyway” she chuckled.

Finn laughed half-hearteldy “Uh, that was the only kiss I had all night”

“What?”

“I just sat around watching, I didn’t feel like kissing anyone in there..and also I think Chloe likes me and I don’t want to give her the wrong idea”

“Oh..yeah, still to soon” Rae said softly.

“Erm..no, I just think you should only kiss someone if you really mean it” 

“Yeah” Rae sighed, then yawned.

“Tired” Finn yawned following Rae.

“Mhmm” she said hummed rubbing her eyes.

Finn rolled over on his side facing Rae watching her as she rubbed her eyes, she turned over facing him her eyes growing heavy “goodnight Finn” she said softly as her eyes closed.

“Night Rae” he whispered back.

The next morning Finn had finally woken up before Rae, sometime during the night he had draped his arm over her and she was snuggled up next to him her head resting on his shoulder. He couldn’t help but smile, it had felt so natural her lying next to him and her in his arms; he had never felt that with Stacey.

Finn slowly removed his arm from around Rae, he figured she might be scared off again if she woke up to that, and he didn’t want her to feel embarrassed, he shifted so she still had her head on his shoulder and his head resting atop hers.

Rae mumbled and shifted over in her sleep so she was flat on her back but her head was turned away from Finn, the loss felt cold to Finn, he liked her laying on his shoulder, a few minutes passed and he all he could think about was how her lips felt on his for the brief second they were there, he had wondered if she had felt anything in that brief second, he shook it off knowing that she probably didn’t, she hadn’t even wanted to kiss him in the cupboard and she told Chloe he was like her brother, so it was probably pointless to feel like this, but he had never felt like this about a girl before, especially after knowing them for such a short amount of time.

–

As the weeks went on and summer was nearly over Finn and Rae had grown very close, She had opened up to him more about her time before and during her time in the mental home, and he talked to her more about his mum leaving. He was always asking her how she was doing and would ask her about therapy and she would tell him, most of the time, other days he knew when something was off and didn’t ask, and she appreciated that.

They had grown so close that they rarely even spent a night apart, he would sneak in her window and they would lounge about listening to music; they talked about nothing and everything until they fell asleep. No one in the gang had ever questioned their closeness, Rae was surprised to find that Chloe had never mentioned it either, but boiled it down to her not liking Finn anymore, Rae knew Finn had set up boundaries when it came to Chloe, a few times after the party she had tried to sit on his lap or caress his arm, but he would shrug her off, but she knew it was because he had just wanted to stay single for the summer, he didn’t want any attachments.

Rae was headed over to Izzy’s after her therapy session and then was supposed to go to Finn’s because he had some crap reggae he needed to show her, she had bickered with him for a good ten minutes on the phone before she had left that morning while he tried to plead his case before she called him a dickhead and told him she’d be around later.

When Rae got to Izzy’s she greeted her brightly as she always did and beckoned her up to her room, when Rae entered she saw Chloe sitting on the bed looking a bit off.

“Hiya Chlo” Rae smiled sitting on the settee.

“Rae, me and Izzy need to talk to you” Chloe said sounding serious.

“Alright..” she drew out.

Izzy and Chloe looked at each other, Izzy nodded at Chloe, “Are you and Finn in a secret relationship?” Chloe said quickly.

“WHAT!?” Rae said taken a back, she did not see this coming.

She started to laugh, “Why would you think me and Finn were in a secret relationship?”

“Just are you?” Chloe urged.

“No” Rae laughed.

“Why would you even think that?”

Chloe looked at Izzy, “Chop went round to Finn’s a couple times and his dad said that he had been spending the night at his friends Rae’s house..”

“..I don’t think Finn’s dad knew you were a girl, from what Chop said, but he didn’t tell him” Izzy said.

“So is it true has Finn been staying the night at your house”

“First off, of course Gary knows I’m a girl, he’s seen me several times” Rae laughed.

“And..yeah Finn stays the night a lot, but it’s not because were in secret relationship, he’s my best mate, you know..we talk about things”

“I mean aside from you finding out that he spends the night is there any other reason you would think we were in a secret relationship, no”

“Well…” Izzy drew out.

“What?” Rae furrowed her brows, Chloe looked at Izzy as well wondering where it was going.

“After Chop found out…umm, he said he thought something might be going on between you’s two, because, well Finns was always talking about how you were like the best person ever and you really get him and how beautiful you are, to be fair it was when he was drunk but still..” Izzy said.

Rae remembered the exact time she was talking about, it was only half nine at night when there were pebbles being tossed at her window, she looked out and it was Finn, she went downstairs and outside to meet him.

–

“Finn, what are you doing, you could have just knocked”

“But its sooo much more romantic to throw pebbles at your window Rae-Rae” he said as he swung his arms around her neck.

“Did I ever tell you how much I love the way you smell, you smell so good Rae, like vanilla” he sighed.

“Yeah, you might have mentioned it, now come on” she said as she led him into the house.

Linda had met them at the stairs with a worried eye.

“Mum can Finn stay, he can’t go home like this” Rae pleaded with her eyes.

“Of course he can, just make sure he doesn’t toss his cookies on the carpet” she smirked, she knew that Finn would sneak in Rae’s window most nights instead of coming to the door like others, but she didn’t mind she knew they were friends, but couldn’t help but have a sneaking suspicion that Finn was much fonder of her daughter than he led on.

“Thanks Liiinda” Finn slurred.

Rae got him up to her room and laid him on her bed, she was trying to remove his boots and he was putting up a fight.

“Just shh Rae, come lay next to me” Finn said his eyes closed.

Rae sighed and left him with one boot on, she laid next him figuring she could just take it off when he passed out, she knew she wouldn’t have to wait long.

She laid still next to Finn waiting for his breathing to become deep and even, but he rolled on his side draping his arm across her chest, “you’re my best friend Rae-Rae, I told Chop so, you’re so kind and funny and beautiful, you’re everything” he sighed as he snuggled closer to her.

Rae just laid still unsure how to process what he just told her, he was drunk so maybe he was just rambling and even if he wasn’t, he probably just meant it in a friendly way, he was always saying how funny she was anyway. As soon as he fell asleep she tried to get up to take off his other boot but he held her tighter, she waited a few minutes and tried to move again but it was to no avail, as he held her close he mumbled “I like holding you” in his sleep. Rae just lay there thinking if he would remember any of this in the morning, he didn’t.

-

“Rae, Rae”

“Yeah?” she looked at Izzy.

“So do you see why we would think that” Izzy asked.

“Yeah, but he’s just my mate, mates usually say nice things about their mates, so..” Rae trailed off.

“Rae I think he might really like you, that’s why I’ve backed off him, and you guys are always in your own little world” Chloe said.

“That’s sweet Chloe but honest we’re just mates..”

“Rae, do you like him as more than a friend..” Izzy asked.

Well, she was caught off guard with that one, she had been trying to fend off accusations of Finn liking her now she had to do the same for herself, but could she make it believable, could she outright lie and say she was not in love with her best mate.

“Like I said, we’re mates” Rae said bluntly.

“So you won’t mind if I try it on with him at the rave this weekend” Chloe asked.

“Nope, do what you want” Rae smiled at her.

“Alright, I just needed to be sure, because I wouldn’t if I knew you liked him” Chloe said.

“Go for it Chlo…” Rae smiled.

“I’m going to head out, supposed to meet Finn, ironically” Rae laughed

Rae made her way downstairs and out the front door walking fast down the street, she wasn’t sure if she had really wanted to go to Finn’s after that talk but its not like she could avoid him he had done nothing wrong.

She walked up to Finns and true to form he opened the door before she could knock.

“Hiya Rae-Rae” he said cheerfully.

“Hey” she smiled and steeped into the house where he greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek as usual.

“Hi Rae” Gary yelled from the other room.

“Hey, Gary” Rae shouted back.

“Come on before he bends your ear for a week” Finn chuckled.

They went up to his room and he already had some music playing

“Really Finn, reggae” Rae raised her eyebrow to him.

“Ah, come on give it a chance” he smiled at her.

“Whatever” she rolled her eyes at him.

“So how was therapy?” he asked.

“Oh you know, nothing new really just talked about how I feel on the new meds on what not” Rae shrugged.

He nodded watching her as she took a sip of water.

“So, how are you handling the new pills” Finn asked knowing she had to switch her meds.

“I dunno, I don’t feel any different but still no alcohol, but I’ll probably skip em’ the day of the rave” Rae shrugged.

“So you’re still comin’”

“Yeah”

“Are you sure you can do that, I mean skip your pills” he asked worriedly.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine” she turned smiling at him.

“Well, h-how about you just stay the night here, instead of at Chloe’s, Dad won’t mind and I’m sure your mum won’t either” Finn said softly.

“That way y-you know if you get sick or needs your meds or whatever I can help you”

“Oh, aren’t you just so sweet” she smiled and pinched his cheek.

“Fuck off” he smiled swatting her hand away.

“I’m serious just stay here”

“Alright, I will, geesh” She scrunched up her face at him and he did the same in return.

“So now that that’s settled, what did you and the girls do?”

“Um, we mainly just talked” Rae shrugged.

“About..” he said, normally she would have already told him how they were trying to convince her to wear pink or purple or something like that.

“It’s stupid” she shook her head,

“Try me” he smirked at her.

“You’re going to laugh” she smiled at him, and he nodded for her to continue.

“It was like an interrogation, apparently they think me and you are in a secret relationship, because they found out you spend the night at my house, so they were asking me all kinds of questions, but don’t worry I told him that we were just best mates”

Finn blinked fast “Umm..”

“Right, I was completely not expecting that, I don’t even know why they would think that” Rae scoffed.

“Wha-what did they say, about why they think that?” Finn asked, wondering if it was that obvious that he was in love with Rae.

“Izzy, said Chop went round to yours one night after you had gotten drunk to make sure you had got home okay, but that was the night you came to mine, I had called your dad and said you were staying at mine and I guess he told Chop..and I guess Chop went came round a few other times and your dad said you were at mine..so..” Rae shrugged.

“So from that they think we are secretly dating” Finn said, a bit relived that his affections weren’t apparent, it would have been different if Chop had told Izzy what he was saying about Rae that night, because Chop took the liberty of reminding him the next day, but he had assured him they were just friends.

“Yeah, not really hard hitting evidence but yeah” Rae sighed.

“Well, that just screams secret relationship to me” Finn said sarcastically.

Rae scoffed “Right”

“So anything else come up?” he asked.

“Nope, that was basically it” Rae sighed.

Finn put on Oasis to Rae’s request and they both laid back on his bed relaxing and listening to the music, enjoying each other’s company. When the sun went down Finn looked over to find Rae was fast asleep. He slowly got off the bed and went downstairs to call Linda, he had told her Rae wasn’t feeling well and fell asleep that he didn’t want to wake her, Linda of course said it was no problem and said that it might be the meds switch, for Finn to keep an eye on her, which he had no problem promising.

Finn hung up and went back upstairs sliding in bed next to Rae, as soon as he settled she scooted closer to him sighing in content. Finn couldn’t help but smile and breathe her in, he loved the way she smelt of vanilla, he loved that it would linger after she left and he could go to sleep with it on his pillow, he loved that he fell asleep to it on her pillow.

“Shit, shit” Finn heard waking him up.

He rolled over to see Rae fumbling around his room, “Rae, what are you doing” he asked sleepily.

“Sorry didn’t mean to wake ya, but I got to get home my mums going to flip”

“Nah, its fine I called her earlier told her you were staying here, that you weren’t feeling well” he yawned.

“Really”

“Yeah, now quit making noise and come back to bed” Finn said, then scooted back towards the wall where Rae had been laying.

“Alright, thanks for calling her” she said softly as she slid under the blankets

“No problem, Rae-Rae” Finn said, scooting close to her giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

Finn fell back asleep fast his head nearly nuzzled in her neck.

–

As the days past Rae could tell that Chloe, Izzy and Chop were watching her and Finn closely, but she wasn’t about to change the way she normally was with him because of stupid suspicions, it would just be wrong, so she acted the way she normally would around Finn. She did notice Chloe was trying to chat with Finn more but Finn would just mumble a few sentences to her, Rae thought Chloe put in a good effort but her and Finn really had nothing in common to keep a conversation going.

It was finally the day of the rave, Rae told her mum that she was staying at Finns house that they were going to hang out and have a movie marathon. Linda allowed her to go so long as she was not back too late the next day, Rae said alright and made her way to Finns.

When she got to Finns he greeted her as usual and led her to the guest room so she could get ready. Rae went into the guest room and locked the door so she could get changed. She opted to wear a blue dress, her black leggings and a glittery gold jacket. She couldn’t decide if she should wear her hair up or down, she was brushing her hair when there was a knock on the door, she walked over unlocking it and opening the door she gave Finn a little smile and told him to come in.

Finn smiled swallowing thickly when Rae opened the door, she was brushing her hair and the way the sun shown in the room made her dark hair shine golden brown, he was mesmerized by the little movements she made.

“Alright, that’s it I’m putting it back” she said to herself, which brought Finn out of his trance.

She pulled on her gold jacket and turned to Finn, “Alright, I’m ready this is as good as it’s gonna get” she smirked at him.

“You look nice” he smiled at her.

“Thanks, you don’t look half bad yourself, Finnley” she smiled at him.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

“Yep” he nodded.

-

Rae clung tightly to Finn the entire ride to the rave, he had wanted to go slow to make it last longer but he loved when she would hold him just that bit tighter when he was going fast.

When they got to the field, as usual he pulled her helmet off for her, “Aw, you have helmet hair” he teased her.

“Fuck off” she said playfully pushing him.

They walked over to the rest of the gang and had some pre-rave beers. Finn pulled Rae aside to make sure she was not on her meds, she had told him that she skipped them for the day, she gave him a kiss on the cheek as a thanks for looking out for her as Finn looped his arm through hers.

“Uh, what’s going on with you two?” Chloe asked  
suspiciously.

“What do you mean?” Finn asked, his voice going up an octave.

“You look like a couple”

Finn looked at Rae who rolled her eyes with a little smile Finn smile and shrugged giving Rae a kiss on the cheek.

“You’re not helping the situation” Rae told Finn.

“Let em’ think what they want” he shrugged.

“But what if a cute boy wants to dance with me, they’ll think I’m cheating” Rae said playfully.

“Oi, you’re dancing with cute me, you can’t leave me alone to fend for myself” he pouted.

“Don’t be a dickhead” she laughed.

“Quit calling me a dickhead, and just say you’ll stay with me”

“Why are you always telling me what to do?”

“Because I know best” he said smugly.

Rae groaned and rolled her eyes playfully at him, “Such a dickhead” she mumbled to herself.

“Oi, I heard that” he smiled at her.

“Well, it’s true” she smirked at him.

“Wrong” he smiled at her then tugged her along behind the gang who had set off walking toward the building.

When they got inside the building Chop had asked if they wanted a pill both Rae and Finn declined, they headed towards the bar for some shots then hit the dance floor. Rae and Finn hadn’t left each other’s side dancing and giggling with each other all night.

“Rae, Rae”

Rae turned around to see Izzy looking upset, “what’s the matter?” Rae shouted

“Can I talk to you?” she said.

Rae nodded holding up her hand for her to wait, she turned to Finn who was still dancing around with Archie and Chloe, “Finn..” she said placing her hand on his shoulder and he stopped to look at her.

“I’ll be right back” she said,

“Where are you going?”

“Outside with Izzy really quick”

“I’ll come with”

“No, it’s alright, its girl talk” she smiled at him.

“Alright, hurry back” he smiled at her, she nodded then walked off with Izzy.

Finn turned back and started dancing jumping up and down blowing his whistle and waving around his glow stick, Archie told him that he would be back that he was going to get some water, so that left only him and Chloe.

Finn knew that Chloe still liked him probably, and knew he needed to keep is defense up around her, she danced close to him but then she smiled and threw her arms around him and kissed him before he could stop her. He pushed her away immediately.

“What” she said.

“Chloe, were just mates, why would you do that?” he said upset.

“Why not, we’re both single right” she smiled at him.

“That doesn’t mean you can go around kissing people” he told her furiously.

“Why not, do you like someone else?”

“Don’t be daft, Chlo…” he shook his head disappointedly.

“You know I love Rae” he told her, he didn’t mean to say love but it was the truth so why deny it. 

She smiled “I just wanted to hear you admit it”

She looked over his shoulder where she had seen Rae who witnessed what happened, and she thought if she could get Finn to admit his feelings for Rae then they would stop doing whatever it was they’re doing, but Rae wasn’t there anymore.

“Oh, fuck” Chloe said.

“What?”

“Rae”

“She saw”

Chloe nodded sympathetically.

“Fuck Chloe!” Finn shouted needing to find Rae.

–

When Rae saw Chloe kiss Finn her heart broke a little, to be fair she knew Chloe said she was going to do it, but she didn’t want to see it, she saw that Finn pushed her off and heard when he told her they were just mates, and she heard Chloe ask if he liked somebody else and he told her don’t be daft. And that was it, they really were just friends, which she could handle, but right now she needed a drink, as she pushed pass the crowd Archie pulled her into dancing with him along with some person in a zebra mask, she started to dance with them to take her mind off of Chloe and Finn kissing.

“Rae, Rae”

She turned around to see Finn.

“What’s up?” she said with a smile.

“Can we talk?”

“About?”

“Not here, lets head back to mine it’s getting late anyway”

“I don’t wanna go yet” she whined.

“Rae, I really need to talk to ya” he pleaded

“Please let’s just go”

“Ugh..fine” she said and stomped off towards the exit.

They walked silently into the cool air all the way back to the scooter, they hadn’t spoken to each other at all until they got to the top of the stairs in Finns house.

Rae turned the doorknob to enter the guestroom, “Rae, what are you doing?” Finn whispered.

“Going to bed” she said as if it were obvious.

“You don’t have to sleep in there, you can share my bed, we sleep together all the time” he pleaded.

“Well, I gotta change” she said then walked into the room shutting the door.

She changed out of her clothes into her oversized shirt and that’s it, she figured that if she waited long enough Finn would be asleep and she could just stay in the guestroom not really wanting to talk about whatever he wanted to talk to her about at the moment.

Rae slid under the blankets the cool sheets feeling refreshing on her warm skin, she was laid in the middle of the double bed ready for sleep to take her when there was a small knock and the door opened and shut.

“Rae, what are you doing, I thought you were coming in my room” Finn whispered.

“It took me a while I figured you would be asleep” she said softly.

“Move over” he told her as he lifted the covers.

Rae shifted some, she realized that he was only in his boxers and she was only in her oversized shirt and panties.

“Finn, do you realize we are both half naked in bed together right now” she said, wide awake.

“So..”

“So why are you only in your boxers, normally you have sweats on or something”

“I was hot..” he looked over at her “What are you wearing” he said then lifted the blankets to peek.

“FINN” Rae whisper shouted slamming the blanket down.

“What?” Finn chuckled.

“So, you’re in your big shirt and blue panties who cares”

“Oh my god you didn’t have to say the color” she groaned.

“How could you even see the color” she looked over at him.

He pointed to the window the light from the moon was shining brightly in the room so he could actually see pretty well, he even saw her scars which he had never seen before.

“Oh..” she said.

A beat passed, “I didn’t know you had that many scars, Rae” Finn said softly turning on his side to face her.

Re turned on her side to face him, “well, it’s not like I have an exact number count” she said softly.

Finn scooted closer to her, moved his hand slowly under the blanket resting it on top of her thigh, he let it rest for a moment gauging her reaction, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, he watched her as he lightly drug his fingers over her thighs feeling the different texture in skin.

“Didn’t it hurt?” he whispered to her.

She shook her head.

When his fingers came to where her thighs were touching he felt the deepest indentation, he ran his index finger over it, Rae shifted and her left leg dropped to her side, Finn ran his finger along the scar onto the inside of her thigh finding that was the longest one.

“Was this the one?” he asked as he continued to run his index finger along it.

She nodded as tear ran down her cheek, “Finn, please..” she said softly.

His finger stilled on the scar and he brought his hand up to brush away her tear.

“I’m sorry I let Chloe kiss me” he said his hand resting on her cheek.

“Its fine, I knew she was going to”

“Why didn’t you tell me, you know I don’t like her like that”

“I didn’t think you would mind” Rae sighed, but really she thought he wouldn’t let it get that far.

“Well, I did mind, but she knows I don’t like her now so..” he trailed off.

“Yeah, I heard”

“So you know” he said in surprise.

“Yeah”

“Then why did you run off”

“What do you mean, I just went to get a drink and bumped into Archie.”

“Why didn’t you wanna talk to me about what I said” he asked feeling defeated, maybe she didn’t feel how he felt.

“What is there to talk about, you told Chloe you guys were mates and she can’t go around kissing people and she asked why not if it was because you liked someone else and you told her not to be daft..so literally what else is there to say”

Finn couldn’t help but chuckle, “What?” Rae said.

“You didn’t hear everything”

“Okay dickhead then what did I miss”

“What did I tell you about calling me a dickhead” he smiled at her.

“Nothing” she said innocently.

“You think you’re soo funny” he said and started to tickle her.

“Finn, Finn stop we’re going to wake up your dad” Rae tried not to laugh to loud.

Finn stopped and they were both breathing heavy smiling at each other, Finn pushed a piece of hair out of her face then leaned in capturing her lips with his.

He held her face gently as their lips moved in sync, her hand on his back holding him securely in place, he rolled her over so he was slightly on top of her, she let out a soft moan when their tongues met, massaging against one another. They pulled away breathing heavily but Finn was placing soft kisses along her face, “I thought you shouldn’t kiss someone unless you mean it” Rae said breathless.

Finn smiled at her placing his lips on hers, “I do mean it” he mumbled against their connected lips. Rae pulled away, “you didn’t finish what you were saying”

He smiled at her twirling a stray piece of hair around his finger, “The last thing you heard me say was ‘don’t be daft Chlo’ but if you would have waited ten more seconds you would have heard me say ‘you know I love Rae’ and then she said, ‘I know I just wanted to hear you to admit it’”

“..In retrospect it was a lousy thing to do because she admitted knowing how I feel about you and kissed me anyway..but at least now you know” he smiled at her.

“Rae..” he said, she had been abnormally quiet.

“Say something please” he put his palm to her cheek.

“I’m not sure what to say, other than…I love you” she smiled softly at him.

He smiled bringing her in for a passionate kiss, when they pulled apart Finn kissed her again chastely, “I’ve wanted to kiss you so bad since the night we accidently kissed” he said as he brushed his nose against hers.

“Yeah?” she said.

“Yeah” he smiled.

“I would have kissed you in the cupboard, but it didn’t seem like you wanted me too’”

“I didn’t think you would want to kiss me…you know the whole Stacey thing and also because of what we had talked about” she said softly.

“I didn’t even think twice about Stacey since the night we talked about it, you were all I could think about” he smiled adoringly at her.

“Really?”

“Yeah” he said happily.

“But then I heard you tell Chloe I were more like your brother, so I never tried anything with you, even though it got really hard not to”

“I only said that because I didn’t think you could ever like me like that, especially because I told you about last year, and also because Chloe said she liked you before I realized I liked you,…but I guess if I would have come clean and told her when she asked me out right on crap reggae day then she wouldn’t have kissed you”

“Rae, what you went through didn’t make me think any less of you, it made me like you more…why didn’t you just tell Chloe?”

“I don’t know it’s stupid to think about it now, I mean after what Izzy said Chop sai-“ Rae clamped her hand over her mouth.

“What, what did Izzy say Chop said” Finn asked furrowing his brows.

“Er…Chop told Izzy the night you got drunk and came to my house, that uh..you were telling Chop that I was nice and funny..things like that” Rae said looking away bashfully.

“Is that all they said I said”

“Um…you also mentioned that I was the best person you knew and that I was beautiful” she said blushing.

Finn smiled, “That’s not all I said but pretty close, Chop told me the next day that I kept saying that I love that you smell of vanilla, and that it lingers on my bed after you’ve left” he said blushing.

Rae couldn’t help but chuckle “Um, yeah I’ve known for quite a while that you love the way I smell”

“What how?” he furrowed his brows at her.

“Um..well the very first night, the night you were looking for Stacey, um..when I helped you in the house you buried your head in my neck and told me I smell nice, like vanilla” she said trying not to laugh.

“Oh my god, really?” Finn said embarrassed.

Rae nodded, “then uh, the night you were drunk and you came over, when I went out to help you in, you told me how much you love the way I smell, and then also when we got to my room, I uh was trying to help you take your boots off but you weren’t having it and told me just to come lay next to you, so I did, and you told me that you told Chop I was your best friend, that I was kind and funny and beautiful and then you said I..I was everything” she said starting to get a little choked up.

Finn leaned in kissing her lightly, “It’s true, you are everything” he sighed pulling her close wrapping his arm around her, “I love holding you” he said softly.

“I know you told me” she sighed.

Finn started to laugh, “What?” she asked

“Nothing, I just think it’s funny that after my drunken confessions you still told Chloe you didn’t like me romantic like, and that you were okay with her trying to kiss me” he shook his head.

“Well, I dunno, I told her friends say nice things about friends all the time, it’s a lot to take in thinking the boy you like might actually like you back, especially when she’s seen who he’s dated, I mean I didn’t think I was exactly your type Finn” Rae sighed.

“Well, you are my type, my only type” he grinned at her.

“If you say so”

“I do” he smiled at her

“You know everything is going to change now, I don’t think my mum will let you spend the night anymore” Rae sighed.

“I’ll just sneak in like usual” he said confidently.

“Pretty sure she knows you sneak in most of the time”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you leave out the front door, Finn” Rae laughed.

“Oh, right, better change my tactics”

“I would say so”

“And I don’t even want to think about what the gang is going to say”

“Don’t worry about it Rae-Rae” Finn stroked her hair.

“Yeah, we’ll find out soon enough” she sighed.

“Let’s get some sleep, I’m tired” Finn yawned

“What did I say about telling me what to do?” Rae said pulling back enough to really look at Finn.

Finn playfully rolled his eyes “Just shut up and kiss me goodnight” he told her.

Rae shook her head “dickhead” she mumbled as she crashed his lips with hers.

Finn pulled away laughing, he kissed her on the forehead, “goodnight Rae”

“Goodnight Finn” she sighed nuzzling against his neck.

He lay awake stroking her hair for a few moments until she was asleep, “I found who I was looking for, you” he whispered softly, echoing her words back to her.


End file.
